Is her big O all for show? Research suggests that most women fake orgasms at least some of the time, as we’ve reported in the past. Now, we confirm your nagging suspicions once again: 68 percent of women admitted to faking an orgasm in a new (unscientific) survey of 2,000 men and women from DrEd.com.
But her relationship status might influence whether she’s playing pretend: 60 percent of women reported faking an orgasm in a new or long-term relationship, while only 40 percent faked it during a one-night stand or after marriage.
Which made us wonder: Why would women be less likely to fake it in a hook up, where the sex was probably rushed? And after settling down, when things might tend to get less adventurous in bed? So we asked a couple of experts on the female orgasm.
First, understand that she’s not putting on a show to make you feel incompetent. Women often fake orgasms because they’re trying to please or impress you, says sex and marriage therapist Moushumi Ghose, author of Classic Positions Reinvented.
But in a one-night stand, she probably doesn’t feel that same pressure because you’re basically strangers, so “performing” an orgasm isn’t really worth it, because boosting your self-esteem isn’t as important to her as it would be in new or long-term relationship, says Robin Milhausen, Ph.D., a professor of family relations and human sexuality at the University of Guelph in Canada.
And even though sex might not be as hot or frequent after tying the knot, you’re more likely to know exactly what gets her off once you’ve been married a while, Ghose says. That may make her orgasms more frequent, which means she doesn’t need to fake it. Plus, when you’re married, she knows you’ll have plenty of chances to take another crack at it—meaning she’s less likely to encourage techniques that don’t really get the job done for her, Milhausen adds.
Things are different when you first commit to one another. She’s trying to make things work, Ghose explains, so she might fake it in the beginning to spare your feelings until sex becomes more comfortable. Once you’ve been dating for a few years, and the honeymoon phase is long gone, there may be times she just wants to “get it over with” when she’s stressed or not in the mood, which is common for a lot of women, Ghose says.
But before your ego takes another hit, here’s a stat that will make you feel better: When women were asked how often they faked orgasms during sexual encounters, 66 percent of them reported never or rarely faking orgasms, so while she may have feigned a few moans in the past, she’s not constantly lying about getting off in most cases.
So even if you do catch her faking it, remember that reaching climax takes more time for women. Make an effort to be honest with her if you feel like she’s not satisfied. Talking about sex and what she likes in bed can make the experience better for the both of you, says Ghose.
The right moves also help. For a step-by-step guide on how to give her an orgasm, check out How to Pleasure a Woman, the ultimate sex manual from Men’s Health.